stress again

[low_delta]

I'm having trouible dealing with the impending changes. I don't have a problem with change, it's that the changes aren't happening, but I'm supposed to be getting ready for them, but there's nothing I can do.

Some of the more mundane things I need to change are things that I could change now if I wasn't going to be moving soon. Like new CD racks, for example. All this stuff is in limbo. Some of the things I want to change are difficult to do this time of year. Like cleaning the garage. Even the basement and sunporch are awfully chilly.

I think the stress is making me less tolerant of many of the things I've previously tolerated. My kitchen is pissing me off. I desperately want to remodel it, but that's not happening. Every time I have to lean past the fridge, and peer into the shadow that is my food cupboard, I get angry. Why now, after four years? Is it just because it's been four years?

I'm going crazy in my house. I'm supposed to be moving out of here, so I want to box everything up, but I can't do that. Cyn will probably be moving in here for a little while, but there's no room. I have all this work to do to clean the place up, but there's not much I can do. Well... not much I can make myself do. I have a lot of trouble cleaning when I don't know what to do with the stuff. That's it right now. I know I should be throwing things away, but that causes emotional stress. I need to really flip out to accomplish that, and it feels like I'm trying to do just that, but flipping out really won't make me feel better, will it?

And I don't really have time for any of this anyway. I was home for an hour and a half, this evening, and accomplished little. I don't remember wasting much time. What happened? Tomorrow's gaming night (finally, after two months). I'm hoping that will make me feel a little better, but it won't solve any of the problems. Then I've got wednesday and thursday nights to try to get something done. I've got this whole list of things I need to do, and it hasn't changed since the middle of last week.

Comments

[serendipity.livejournal.com]

"Why now, after four years? Is it just because it's been four years?"

If my experience can be related to yours, it's because you've put up with it for four years and you know the end is in sight. Since you know you won't have to put up with it soon, it bothers you that you do have to put up with it for even a little while longer!

This is what happened to me during the final stretch before we moved from the old library to the new. I had worked there for 17 years, with some of the same people all that time. I managed to deal with their idiosynchrasies before, but knowing that I'd soon have my own office and be able to close my door to their intrusiveness and lack of consideration made it extra hard to deal with that crap during the last couple of months. I had shared a computer workstation and a telephone line with many others, but knowing I'd have my own workstation and telephone - complete with voicemail - made me much less tolerant of the status quo before moving. Does that seem to ring true?

As far as needing to get stuff done, it's a balancing act with also needing to relax and chill out. This one's so tough. If I don't get my many things done, I can feel exasperated and mad at myself. On the other hand, if I don't get to relax a little bit, I feel resentful and out of sorts. When there are huge projects like home repair and remodeling, everything becomes chaotic and sometimes autopilot is the best I can do, but that's not healthy when there's little break in the work action.

*sigh* I feel for you, I really do.

[emschin.livejournal.com]

Reading your post--and being able to relate to it--and then reading Dev's comments makes me realize what a tough time you're in. There was your Grandma's death which was big. Getting ready for the move and getting rid of things you would like to keep is a loss, too.

You have been a wonderful support to Cyn through Donald's death. I can't help but think it was a difficult position for you. You must know how thoroughly she loves you, but here she is mourning a former husband who had shared her life before. Awkward, I would think, at the least. Your ability to transcend that and help her through it has impressed me the whole time. When I've told friends about how the death affected Cyn and her kids, I always go on and tell them how wonderful you are and they are impressed, too.

Be good to yourself.

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[low-delta.livejournal.com]

Cyn lost someone she was close to. I don't see why I should have acted any differently just because they had been married.

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[low-delta.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think that's it exactly. But not only is it because I know it's going to change soon, it's because I always expected it to change before now.

One of the thiings that always causes me stress is having the house a mess. I can't function with things in a mess (the places I have to actually work, anyway). So I'm going to concentrate on keeping the place clean and uncluttered. That will help in the long run too.

I gotta run. Cleaning to do!

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[serendipity.livejournal.com]

Cleaning and uncluttering is a necessity for my mental health, so I know just how you feel!

[roadskoller.livejournal.com]

I have a little experience in the moving industry. All movers know that their customers are going to be extremely stressed out. It seems that moving, divorce and the death of a loved one, are the top 3 stress producers. Not in that order, of course. All things must pass.

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[low-delta.livejournal.com]

I never really expected to be extremely stressed by moving. And it's all the other stuff that goes with it that is getting me.