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Feb. 2nd, 2004
stress again
Feb. 2nd, 2004 11:25 pmI'm having trouible dealing with the impending changes. I don't have a problem with change, it's that the changes aren't happening, but I'm supposed to be getting ready for them, but there's nothing I can do.
Some of the more mundane things I need to change are things that I could change now if I wasn't going to be moving soon. Like new CD racks, for example. All this stuff is in limbo. Some of the things I want to change are difficult to do this time of year. Like cleaning the garage. Even the basement and sunporch are awfully chilly.
I think the stress is making me less tolerant of many of the things I've previously tolerated. My kitchen is pissing me off. I desperately want to remodel it, but that's not happening. Every time I have to lean past the fridge, and peer into the shadow that is my food cupboard, I get angry. Why now, after four years? Is it just because it's been four years?
I'm going crazy in my house. I'm supposed to be moving out of here, so I want to box everything up, but I can't do that. Cyn will probably be moving in here for a little while, but there's no room. I have all this work to do to clean the place up, but there's not much I can do. Well... not much I can make myself do. I have a lot of trouble cleaning when I don't know what to do with the stuff. That's it right now. I know I should be throwing things away, but that causes emotional stress. I need to really flip out to accomplish that, and it feels like I'm trying to do just that, but flipping out really won't make me feel better, will it?
And I don't really have time for any of this anyway. I was home for an hour and a half, this evening, and accomplished little. I don't remember wasting much time. What happened? Tomorrow's gaming night (finally, after two months). I'm hoping that will make me feel a little better, but it won't solve any of the problems. Then I've got wednesday and thursday nights to try to get something done. I've got this whole list of things I need to do, and it hasn't changed since the middle of last week.
Some of the more mundane things I need to change are things that I could change now if I wasn't going to be moving soon. Like new CD racks, for example. All this stuff is in limbo. Some of the things I want to change are difficult to do this time of year. Like cleaning the garage. Even the basement and sunporch are awfully chilly.
I think the stress is making me less tolerant of many of the things I've previously tolerated. My kitchen is pissing me off. I desperately want to remodel it, but that's not happening. Every time I have to lean past the fridge, and peer into the shadow that is my food cupboard, I get angry. Why now, after four years? Is it just because it's been four years?
I'm going crazy in my house. I'm supposed to be moving out of here, so I want to box everything up, but I can't do that. Cyn will probably be moving in here for a little while, but there's no room. I have all this work to do to clean the place up, but there's not much I can do. Well... not much I can make myself do. I have a lot of trouble cleaning when I don't know what to do with the stuff. That's it right now. I know I should be throwing things away, but that causes emotional stress. I need to really flip out to accomplish that, and it feels like I'm trying to do just that, but flipping out really won't make me feel better, will it?
And I don't really have time for any of this anyway. I was home for an hour and a half, this evening, and accomplished little. I don't remember wasting much time. What happened? Tomorrow's gaming night (finally, after two months). I'm hoping that will make me feel a little better, but it won't solve any of the problems. Then I've got wednesday and thursday nights to try to get something done. I've got this whole list of things I need to do, and it hasn't changed since the middle of last week.