sharing the big moments

[low_delta]

How do you feel about having the important people in your life with you for important events? Let's say you have something going on that you're really proud of, like your wedding or graduation. How important is it to have your family and closest friends there? But listen - I want to be specific about this: I'm not asking if you want them there because it's important to them, I'm asking if it's important to you. In certain circumstances, the answer is almost always yes, because these people were the ones that supported you and enabled you to get where you are, but what about in general? Are there any general examples? What if you were a runner, and you always tell your parents about your achievements, and they always seem happy for you, but they're not exactly out there cheering you on. So then you won some big marathon. How important would it be to you to have your parents there watching the award ceremony?

Comments

[serendipity.livejournal.com]

Before I answer the question about how feel about sharing such moments, I must say that every one is different in this regard, and what I think really matters is the understanding of those who are considered important to the person. That is, if it's important to someone, that person's loved ones should try to honor and value that importance by being there if they can. Does that make sense?

Now, to answer your question, I, personally don't really like being the center of attention in rituals such as award ceremonies. I'd rather my loved ones honor my achievements/successes in a more private, social/familial gathering that we can all enjoy. Ya know?

[serendipity.livejournal.com]

Oops - I didn't mean to italicize, I meant to write: how *I* feel about sharing such moments...

[low-delta.livejournal.com]

You mean you meant to type, <I>I<I> ?

[serendipity.livejournal.com]

Well, almost. I guess I forgot to un-italicize my italicized I. But sometimes instead of italicizing at all, I do type asterisks before and after the word, like *I*.

[low-delta.livejournal.com]

I feel that if it's important to someone that I be there, I need to be there. I'm not sure that I need to be there simply because the event is important to someone.

[serendipity.livejournal.com]

Yes.

[low-delta.livejournal.com]

You're not sure either, huh?

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sure that if it's important for someone that I be there, then I'm there. If it's not important to someone that I be there, I'm actually pretty sure that it doesn't matter whether I'm there or not.

[low-delta.livejournal.com]

I guess what my problem is, is how to determine that it's important to them. For some people, every event is important and you always go. Others will state specifically that they want you there. Others will mention the event, and be hurt if you don't show.

[sunshine-two.livejournal.com]

Not very. I'm not big on being the centre of attention at a big event.

[low-delta.livejournal.com]

But if you were the center of attention, wouldn't you want a special person there to share it with? ;-)

[mummm.livejournal.com]

Our daughter's wedding was far less stressful with only seven of us there... but they were an important seven and it was on Kaua'i and you can't beat that for stress relief! (and oh do I wish I were there now...)

I guess the answer is... it's all up to you. You do what you feel is best for your situation.

..

[whorlpool.livejournal.com]

My important events are what most people would consider kind of trivial. For instance, if I'm out walking around in the summertime and come across a butterfly (or any interesting insect at all), that's a significant event in my life, and it's horrible if I'm alone because I want to share it with my s.o. I try not to have "big events" in my life; they don't really interest me. I like serendipitous discoveries; those are the meaningful events for me.

Re: ..

[serendipity.livejournal.com]

Hooray for serendipitous discoveries.

[zaecus.livejournal.com]

It's a mixed bag for me, but an exclusionary one.

I start with all of the people who would feel it important for them to be there, then I drop all of the people that I feel it important that they not be there. I haven't run into a situation where it was important to me, and not someone else, that they be there (for a moment such as you are describing), and I have no idea what to think of that idea.

Usually means I wind up with one or two people showing up other than me.

[low-delta.livejournal.com]

It sounds like you make sure to invite the people who you think should be there. So that would limit potential disappointment from no-shows.

[marswalker.livejournal.com]

I would have loved to have an SO or close friends with me for some of the big things - going to the launches of my birds, climbing a high peak in Tibet or seeing Everest, things like that. For the birds, the first one - Pathfinder - she couldn't afford it and neither could I - work paid for part of the gig. For the next ones (MER), I didn't have an SO. In Tibet, my SO couldn't go, but the friends I did go with - we have developed a bond, so we did share the experience with each-other.

There's an element of self-centrism to it - wanting to have the company - and a degree of warmth to it - wanting to share something incredible with someone you care for, partly to share the wonder from each-others points of view - wich... contributes to the bond between you.

And I'd say that if my SO thinks it's important for me to be there, that's enough for me to know - it's something that's important for her to share with me - and therefore.. it makes it important to me.

I think that where it comes to SO's, it's all about that Love thing - where their happiness becomes as important, if not more, than my own. Life is about choices and outcomes - one is... will I have the happiness of sharing, or the lonliness of self-centric greed?

[blonnie.livejournal.com]

for -me- it wouldn't be that important because things weren't really like that when i was growing up. i don't know how to explain this though because, i mean, it wouldn't UPSET me or disappoint me if they weren't there BUT i do not want my child to feel the same way. i want to always be there for her and be just as excited for her about her accomplishments as she is. i want her to get used to me (and my husband & my inlaws!) always being there ... to the point that if we aren't, it's unusual and disappointing.

[blonnie.livejournal.com]

i should also add that in my current life, i WOULD be disappointed if my -husband- wasn't there. he is "my rock" to quote a cliche. this is really sad & sounds co-dependent but to me, accomplishments are nothing if i don't have someone to share them with.

[mipplet.livejournal.com]

It's very important to me to have my family around for special events...nothing would seem quite as special without them.

[emschin.livejournal.com]

I want people around when events are very important to me. When I had a big party at retirement it meant a lot to me to have my kids and my sister, Joyce, there. When I went to Washington DC because our team won an award it was so much better to have Joyce sitting there in Constitution Hall. I am very much a "connected" person and sharing joy with someone makes the joy so much more. Christmas is so much better because my family is there.

Also, I really want to be places when it's important to people I care about. I would have been so disappointed if I couldn't be at your wedding. I felt bad that I wasn't in Madison for Heather's graduation! I just knew I couldn't do it, physically, so it seemed important for me to be at the joint party she and Sebastian had.

I think there's a difference between caring about "being the center of attention" and sharing a joy with friends and family.

[rdsc.livejournal.com]

Both my parents and all my grand-parents have been dead for a long time so, I don't know if this is reversing your question, but I've grown used to the idea that people who I would like to be there to witness won't, you have to conjure them up in your head. I think there are some people who've had immense influence in my life but aren't in the centre of my life and sometimes I'd like them to be there because it would be a way of telling them without saying anything. Most thoughtful thread I've seen on LJ for ages