just so you understand where I'm coming from

[low_delta]

What I was talking about yesterday, was paintings.

Cyn has a print of a painting that she adores. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I just don't find it attractive. I have a painting that my dad did, that I think is fine. She doesn't agree.

It isn't a matter of compromise. I will hang her picture anywhere she wants. And I will hang my picture if I come up with a reasonable location for it after we get the others hung. Not a big deal.

Cyn has hinted, over time, that most of my dad's paintings (of which we have many) aren't her style. [edit: mostly untrue.] That's disappointing to me.

I gave Cyn no clue that I didn't love her cherished painting. It was quite a shock to her to learn otherwise. It was sudden and she was very hurt. I could have kept my mouth shut, but I didn't feel that would be honest. The subject was up, since we were hanging pictures, so I brought it up. Or maybe I mentioned it in an effort to get her to be honest about the cow painting. She kept trying to sugar coat it. I wasn't buying it, but I guess since I knew better, I should have left it at that, but I didn't feel she was being honest.

I wonder what I can do about this preoccupation with honesty?

Edit: And this really isn't a huge deal.

Comments

[ravenfeather.livejournal.com]

Perhaps nothing. Honest is good.. and yes, sometimes it hurts, but overall, I think that the hurt from someone telling us some thing they HONESTLY feel, is less than the hurt we feel when we find out someone HAS NOT been honest and can be compounded over time.

This is one of my pet issues, and I know it doesn't work "my" way for everyone.. but it is one of the chosen rules for the way I live my life.. based on my opinion. I hope you two find a successful way of dealing with your differences. In the end, weather you two share painting tastes is a small thing I hope.

This reminds me of that scene in When Harry Met Sally when their friends are moving in to their first apartment together and are disagreeing about a wagon wheel coffee table.

[cynnerth.livejournal.com]

I wasn't being dishonest. What I said about it was the truth. It just wasn't my complete list of feelings about it because I didn't want you to feel bad. It's my darn preoccupation with kindness and the happiness of others.

TRUTH - I don't mind having it up in the house somewhere.
TRUTH - Your dad is an incredible artist.
TRUTH - I like most of his pictures, some more than others.

You have heard me say all these things. It is honesty.

[i.livejournal.com]

nothing wrong with honesty. it helps to choose your words carefully, though.

[rivendweller.livejournal.com]

Sometimes honesty is overrated. I enourage Ray The Man to declare how beautiful I am.... I could care less if he's being honest about his true opinion. If he thinks I'm ugly, he's not allowed to tell me that.

But I'm silly, too.

everyday stuff is the big stuff:

[ravengirl.livejournal.com]

i believe in honest exchanges, but i also believe
that keeping some things to ourselves is best for all concerned.
this depends on the circumstances, of course, but
if you were willing to have the painting in the house
and hang it where cyn wants, why is it important to let he know
that you don't like it? i think you're saying that you EACH
don't like something the other likes, and you want it to be
even-steven. i can understand that to a degree.

sometimes what i think of as honesty is only going to hurt someone,
so i don't say anything. other times, i toil over it,
because it's important enough to me to want to talk about.
this is where choosing our battles comes into play.
BUT, i think a woman is less likely to want something in the house
that she knows another member doesn't like. most men i know
wouldn't mind.
*love*

[roadskoller.livejournal.com]

I think total and complete honesty is too brutal. The big things need honesty, that's true, but keeping a little back helps.

[low-delta.livejournal.com]

I appreciate that painting, but don't find it attractive. Is that close enough to let her think I love it too?

[sirreal13.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you both were willing to clarify this. I was worried.

It appears that you made the error of excessive honesty (EEH), which is punishable by silence. The other mistake was the inability to see the myriad conections that an object can have. I happen to like Breughel. The fact that the painting has so many family connections makes it more than artwork. Consider it on of your in-laws ;)

[low-delta.livejournal.com]

I don't think I really made that second mistake. I can certainly accept that picture (and already did). It was the prospect of the first one that made life difficult for me. I couldn't deal with her giving me that look, expecting the same adoration for it from me. I felt that the sooner she learned my feelings, the better.

[sirreal13.livejournal.com]

Never mind! I spoke without any knowledge and made assumptions.

Anyway, I AM impressed with a couple so secure in their relationship that they can discuss familial frictions in public like this. Honesty between you lovebirds is one thing. I feel like an emotional voyeur nosing in on mini-crises that make up your everyday marital life...

[low-delta.livejournal.com]

Assumptions? I'm not sure anyone really understood what I was trying to say. ;-)

I'm not really sure why it ended up in public. I just made a vague statement to the effect that I had hurt Cyn's feelings - mostly by way of apology. And it grew from there. Not that it was really a problem. Just kind of funny how things go.