low_delta | online personas

This medium - the various forms of online communication and community - drew many of us in because we were looking for a way to be different from the role we had adopted in "real" life. Not because we were looking to be someone other than who we were, but because we wanted to show who we really were. So when we found an outlet (LiveJournal, for many of us), we felt comfortable in acting like who felt we really were. It was so much nicer than whatever role we felt we were locked into when we socialized with old friends, coworkers, fellow church or club members or even family.

The funny thing is, as soon as you've been in a community long enough for people to get to know you, you become locked into another role. As far as your online persona has been developed at that time is as far as you are going to get. When people feel they know who you are, you probably have trouble defying their expectations. Since most of us operate under some degree of need for approval, we don't wish to upset others by acting out of character. Not only do we worry that others will leave us or simply disapprove of our actions, but people can even get angry with us for doing something they think is out of character. If someone has befriended you based on a set of characteristics he believes you possess, and you exhibit new characteristics that he dislikes, he can feel angry and betrayed.

That span of time when our acquaintances get to know us is crucial to who we seem to be. Some people develop their online personas as far as they need to by that time, but some don't. Some are able to retain a certain ambiguity, which makes it difficult for others to develop expectations, while some aren't.

Many people join online communities because real life friends brought them. Many of these people feel even more limited than they do in "real" life, because they can see how liberating online life can be, but can't let themselves go because their friends are nearby. Freedom is tantalizingly close.

How satisfied are you with who you think you appear to be? Is that different than how you feel about your appearance in the "real" world?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I think my participation varies based on my mood. For the most part I use the medium as a tool for communication, and enjoyment. Laughter means a lot to me so, I guess it ranks fairly high on why I utilize it for entertainment. Sometimes, I use it for support, sometimes I'm just reaching out to touch somebody, lend an ear, or whatever. Sometimes, I'm in need of some attention. I prefer the anonynimity of LJ because I likely wouldn't talk about some things in a *face to face* type of conversation.

The anonymity is important, but there comes a point that we are no longer anonymous - we know each other. We've chosen to open up to a certain point. Or maybe it *is* because we don't know each other well. Maybe that is the whole point.

need to think on this one some more. you've hit a nerve here, in a manner of speaking.

but I've got a headache and other things demanding my attention at the moment and I just put about 30 minutes into a crappy post about an annoying day I had so I could try to get it out of my thoughts.

can I get back to you?

If you wish. :-)

I just got done reading about your day. I think you deserve soem time off.

Hi, I am adding you. I hope you don't mind, if you do I will delete you again. We have several mutual friends and I have perused your journal now and again. You are very though provoking.

No, I don't mind at all. Feel free. :-)

I think I'm certifiable.

Of course. Wait! Certifiable as what?

Insane!

All I really want to do is baby be friends with you.

I think that (along with having a real need to express myself) sums up how I am both offline and online. I hope that with me what you see is what you get. Although I do have to keep certain things more private here, which can be somewhat frustrating.

When we met in person, I didn't find out anything about you that surprised me. There was more to you, of course, but there was nothing that contradicted.

Hooray, that's what I like to hear! :)

Some people like being mysterious and secretive, but that's just not my style, either online or off.

Excellent post, Kevin!

My journal is a 90% accurate portrayal of who I am. I can be sad here, angry, mundane, silly, introspective, and curious. The couple of times that I've let a part of me out that doesn't fit in with the rest (we all have those parts inside of us), I've gotten negative reactions. At the time, I decided it was because that part of me was "bad" and I needed to work on eliminating it...and still, I knew that it was part of me. I like your explanation here. It's a good possibility. Maybe it's not a bad part of me, just an unexpected one that doesn't fit everyone's preconceived ideas about who I am.

I think that negative part of you, that people didn't know you had, bothers them more than it would if they knew you had it.

I couldn't have said this better my self. Not even close.

I don't know how I appear anymore online. It is no where near who I am in person. I find it easier to communicate in real life than online. In fact, I've felt paralyzed on line.......always have. And it shows! (I think so anyway!)

Great entry.......you helped me figure out something about myself!

You appear online... very little! ;-)

I had to think about this one overnight, it is similar to what I feel, but from a totally different angle.

How do I feel about my online persona? It is fairly close to my real life one with more freedom from social restrictions here.. although I am more of a potty mouth here. I have never used blue language much and find it easier to type than to say. Having said that, I am still not completely free to be me here and that frustrates me. It isn't for fear of rejection however. Rejection from a person I don't really know does not bother me (rejection from those I consider more than online friends is the part I haven’t really thought about in too much detail and I think I need to examine that), what restricts me is more that I don't want to read yet another similar reaction from certain individuals. It is me not posting because I know what is going to be said. I am working on getting over that without much success. So far my solution is to divide and compartmentalize myself into different journals, each catering to a different set of issues, and this one, the ravenfeather one is more like the "in public" face that is similar to the one I use in RL and by that I mean restricted across the board and kept to more frivolous and somewhat meaningless issues. The office or cocktail party face.

not posting because I know what is going to be said

And those things are things you don't want to hear? Is that what you feel you have to get over? Or is it more a matter of wanting to hear something other than what you know already, good *or* bad?

None of the above except occasionally the last one. I get very few negative comments, I get loads of “I agree” or “I think this” that I already know. The ones that stop me the most are those that are not going to “get” it, and make a comment or give advice that I then have to(feel like I have to, I realize that I could ignore them and at times do) go back and explain in more detail what I actually meant to clarify the situation. That is too much work when you have to do it time after time consistently with the same few people. That is awful isn’t it? *grin*

I do wish I heard a different point of view (on the actual issue)more often.. but I guess that is the reason some of the people on my list are there.. they think like me.

What I feel I have to get over is me allowing someone's potential comments stop me from saying what I wish to say.

very good question!
I feel like I have settled down to the real me here. I don't like to argue or fight with people on-line, but I don't do that in real life unless I know you VERY well.
I have had most of my on-line friends for over 2 years now and am getting to the point where I think I can say somethings I would have never said before.

I will have to ask my friends who have met me if I am anything like my on-line personality.

I just had a disscussion with Sal the other day about how I thought my journal friends know me better than he did.

DOH!
*discussion

When I thought of someone whose online persona developed quickly, I thought of you. :-) I'm still not sure if that really is the case, though. :-D

My persona online is pretty much what it is in real life. I don't need to pretend to be someone/something I'm not. The people who become online friends of mine tend to be the same way.

How much more of you is there, that doesn't manifest in your onine writings?

That's a good point. Probably more than I realize. How about you?

No idea. I put a lot of my opinions out here, but a lot of my interests never get mentioned. I really can't even guess about other intangibles.

I think the same is true for me. Even in REAL life, how many of us can claim to know everything about ourselves? Or even another person?

This type of communication is analogous to the old pen-pal thing in many ways. People writing back and forth to each other and at least getting an IDEA about another person, I mean. I don't think anyone would claim that's the complete picture.

I have so many "selves" in "real life" that it really doesn't matter if I act the same here or not. I've always been more "talkative" online-- in real time conversations I hesitate too much out of shyness, and usually by the time I'm ready to speak up the subject topic has changed. Here it doesn't matter if I hesitate, so I speak up (and embarass myself) more often.

But I do know what you mean about getting stuck in a persona. I've left a lot of online groups over the years because I was just tired of being that person. When you try to go back, it rarely works out. You almost have to deny who you were to get back in the group.

Interesting.

I don't know. I used to participate in several chatrooms, bulletin boards, etc. where I discovered many people were not who they appeared to be. I originally used LJ for a specific purpose, but it became a way for me to express my opinions about various issues and indulge in my various interests, including socializing. naturally, what you see in my journals is not necessarily the real me, and I often don't reveal what I'm really thinking in my journals. Often, it's more about listening in on other lives, and I sometimes make a post just to be seen. I think my journals represent a true aspect of me, but they are limited as to the honesty of that picture.

Yeah, you're definitely someone whose true nature is here, but only a little bit of it.

This is the MOST INTERESTING question. I confronted this when I first signed up and tried to think what I would say in my bio. I ended up with the list of opposites as a way of making clear that I was a lot of different things.

In "real life" I don't usually show my bawdy side to a lot of the older women in my church. At work we had more women than men-- young through middle age--and so this naturally surfaced in the break room etc. Both church friends and former work friends always described me as kind and gentle. But they don't know how cantankerous I can be. My sister, Joyce, and I think one of our in-laws doesn't warm to us much because we're so very silly. We have rescued ourselves from some very deep valleys with a sense of humor. And.....I take great pleasure in pondering deep ideas. Who knows what impression people in LJ have of me.

After thinking all this over, tho, I've decided I'll post something on my own journal that excited me a lot this week. It's kind of oddball and I didn't know if anyone would be interested. I've decided to post because I think it's interesting.

I think that I'm as honest as I *can* be here, or at least I'm not deliberately dishonest. But, here I'm two dimensions (if that), while in Real Life™ I'm in three dimensions (at least). And what difference that extra dimension or two would make to anyone would vary from person to person.