lack of respect

[low_delta]

One thing I see a lot that makes me cringe, is when people are dating, and they work so hard at pleasing their partner, but when they get married, they no longer care to do so. They suddenly stop caring about their appearance. They stop caring about their partner's feelings. They stop caring about the things the other person loved about them. These people didn't want to get married because they loved the other person, they wanted to get married to be married. They acted on their best behavior until they were wed, then stopped caring about their spouses.

And on a related note, the guy in my post from this morning did not gain 80 pounds in two months because of an eating disorder, or a physiological problem, he gained that weight because starting the day after he was wed, he ceased caring about anything but beer and TV.

Comments

[invisibella.livejournal.com]

You are describing some of my friends. The same people who talk to each other in such a disrespectful manner since their wedding, it makes me uncomfortable. One of these couples is trying to have a child right now.....because their parents want a grand child.

For me, I appreciate being in a relationship now because of a lot of time spent alone. I've made a choice to be in a relationship. I'm fine alone.......so I don't NEED this. I'm in it because I want to be here.

[cynnerth.livejournal.com]

Here's something kind of ironic...

After 15 years of marriage, I decided to stop wearing make-up. Kind of relax my image and be comfortable with what I look like naturally. I also gained about 15 pounds and I didn't know how (being in my mid-30's probably had a lot to do with it).

So hubby leaves me for reasons only he knows for sure.

I find myself in the Dating World and started wearing make-up again. I also lost the 15 pounds thanks to the unbelievable stress and grief of the divorce. So ex-hubby sees me one night before I'm going out on a date...and I'm looking pretty good. He says, "Why didn't you look that good for me?" I felt a little guilty about that.

Then I start dating men who don't like make-up, etc. I can look my natural self, but keep myself healthy...and look who fell in love with me while I was being myself :)

[ravengirl.livejournal.com]

yep, i understand the weight-gain thing (but i went over by about 70 lbs due to a "bad" relationship!) still, isn't it great to be loved for yourself? i love it. i'm never going back. i know now what makes me truly happy and i'm unapologetic.

[eyelid.livejournal.com]

One thing I see a lot that makes me cringe, is when people are dating, and they work so hard at pleasing their partner, but when they get married, they no longer care to do so.

If you have to work that hard to please your partner, you shouldn't be with them in the first place.

I hope Patrick will love me even when I'm not young and svelte and cute, because we all get old and flabby sometime. Appearance and "working to please" is a very shaky ground for a relationship IMO.

[low-delta.livejournal.com]

You're correct, but I did include caring about the other's feelings in the original statement. Caring about one's appearance is simply the symptom that came up today. And lack of caring about one's appearance may be a symptom of other problems. Like one factor that may attract someone is one's diligence about one's health. What if that changes? I'm not saying it's the best thing, but it's there. It's one factor among many. If it were the only thing, the other person should try to deal with it.

[eyelid.livejournal.com]

True... and to be honest, I knew what you meant :) You probably weren't referring to the fact that I don't shave my legs anymore. And I would definitely wig out if Patrick suddenly gained 80 pounds.

[low-delta.livejournal.com]

Well, when you get down to it, nobody really wants to gain 80 pounds...