![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Here are some tips on how to manage all that food you find, this holiday season.
1. About those carrot sticks; avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can - quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it’s even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an egg-nogaholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? Remember College?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention.
They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. You can't leave them behind. You're not going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards, mate.
10. And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips. Start over. But hurry! Cookieless January is just around the corner.
1. About those carrot sticks; avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can - quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it’s even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an egg-nogaholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? Remember College?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention.
They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. You can't leave them behind. You're not going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards, mate.
10. And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips. Start over. But hurry! Cookieless January is just around the corner.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2001-11-27 02:56 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2001-11-27 04:32 pm (UTC)From:Remember, carrots aren't for snacking at parties, they are for Santa's reindeer.
no subject
Date: 2001-11-27 03:06 pm (UTC)From:james and i have had two glasses each already...
in new orleans, no less! hee~ well really,
does new orleans seem like an eggnog type o' town?!
mmmm...a vat of eggnog...
no subject
Date: 2001-11-27 03:16 pm (UTC)From:You put milk in mashed potato? 8~o
Re 3 pies: the first time I spent Christmas at my out-laws, I ate the meal, and when asked if I'd like more, ate the same amount again. Jaws dropped. I thought everybody did that.
Fruitcake is *excellent*, but don't eat the little Father Christmas on top: he's plastic, and has been used every year since 1973, and has never been washed. Best of all, eat cake after the pudding. If you're having trouble getting it down, port and/or brandy helps.
:: salivates ::
no subject
Date: 2001-11-27 04:34 pm (UTC)From:Milk makes the potatoes come out smooth and creamy. I guess.
That's the rule for holiday dining - you eat until you can't eat anymore.
fruitcake? =~()
no subject
Date: 2001-11-27 04:38 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2001-11-27 04:48 pm (UTC)From:6 eggs
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt (optional)
1 quart milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Directions
1. In large saucepan, beat together eggs, sugar and salt (if desired); stir in 2 cups of the milk. Cook over low heat, stirring constantly, until mixture is thick enough to coat a metal spoon with a thin film and reaches at least 160 degrees F (70 degrees C). Remove pan from heat.
2. Stir remaining 2 cups milk and vanilla extract into the mixture. Cover and refrigerate until thoroughly chilled; several hours or overnight. Just before serving, pour the egg nog into a bowl or pitcher.
I think the alcoholic version has whisky or brandy in it.
no subject
Date: 2001-11-27 04:51 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2001-11-27 04:54 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2001-11-28 03:56 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2001-11-28 02:10 pm (UTC)From:When I was in Glasgow recently, I brought back a cloutie dumpling. I haven't eaten it yet...
Re:
Date: 2001-11-28 02:13 pm (UTC)From:I don't think we used heavy enough cream for the Gromack. The whisky was the best part ;)
no subject
Date: 2001-11-28 02:20 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2001-11-28 06:27 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2001-11-29 03:56 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2001-11-30 08:58 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2001-11-27 04:49 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2001-11-27 09:07 pm (UTC)From:11. Be sure to complain loudly about how much you're eating and how much weight you're putting on and how much you'll have to diet starting January 2 and how you just hate thin people, especially during the holiday season.
no subject
Date: 2001-11-28 08:49 am (UTC)From:I almost left out rule number 6. That's the only one that I don't actually agree with.
Okay, most of the others exaggerate, but I admire the spirit.
Re:
Date: 2001-11-28 10:13 pm (UTC)From:I'll shut up now.
no subject
Date: 2001-11-29 05:51 pm (UTC)From:nevermind
Re:
Date: 2001-11-29 06:34 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2001-11-30 06:41 am (UTC)From:It read:
I hate this time of year. Not for its crass
commercialism and forced frivolity, but because
it's the season when the food police come out
with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how
to get through the holidays without gaining 10
pounds. You can't pick up a magazine without
finding a list of holiday eating do's and don'ts.
Eliminate second helpings, high-calorie sauces
and cookies made with butter, they say. Fill up
on vegetable sticks, they say. Good grief. Is
your favorite childhood memory of Christmas a
carrot stick? I didnt think so. Isn't mine,
either.
A carrot was something you left for Rudolph. I
have my own list of tips for holiday eating. I
assure you, if you follow them, you'll be fat and
happy. So what if you don't make it to New
Years? Your pants won't fit anymore, anyway.
Re:
Date: 2001-12-01 10:53 pm (UTC)From:My point is actually this: If people genuinely enjoy overeating and over-imbibing during the holiday season, that's fine. If they have a truly good time without hurting anyone (except maybe themselves via stomach aches and hangovers), that's great. I just hate when they overeat and then complain about it later. Or overeat while talking about how they'll start dieting again in January. Or overeat and claim to "hate" people who don't overeat. And I still lose my appetite when I see a genuinely obese person eating massive quantities of fat calories, in the name of "holiday spirit." Sorry for the seriousness, I appear to be in that kind of mood.
no subject
Date: 2001-11-28 12:43 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2001-11-28 07:12 am (UTC)From: