question

[low_delta]

So how should I feel about a friend who wants someone to listen when he is troubled, but doesn't want hear any advice or suggestions? A friend who just wants a sounding board, but not someone to help? How can one give nothing but sympathy? How can one give only sympathy when one sees a real explanation or solution?

I feel like the person doesn't value our friendship as much as I do.

Comments

[nephychu.livejournal.com]

If I felt overwhelmed / helpless / ignored as a friend in your situation, I'd probably tell him to find someone else to talk to about the troubles being discussed.  Someone who won't listen to suggestions or advice is either just trying to vent their frustrations or elicit pity.  Invariably refuting anyone else's analyses of your problems pretty much means you don't want to do the work to make things better, or even consider the options at your disposal.

I have this problem with people quite a bit - I either remain quiet and let my mind wander or pose my ideas rhetorically.  I don't know the guy's temperment but most people won't fly off the handle if you talk about things other people (including yourself) to dig out of similar situations.

I'm sure you mean a lot to said friend, he's probably not the kind of person that can really see other peoples' perspectives very well though.

I wouldn't worry too much about it - I get along with people better when I let them live their lives the way they want to, and appreciate them for the aspects that make them endearing to me.  I can't make their decisions or fix their problems for them, it's too much. -_-

Hope some of this is useful to ya.

[low-delta.livejournal.com]

I don't feel overwhelmed, etc. And he does listen to what I have to say about it. But that's just it. He seems to want my help, but he won't tell me everything that is going on, so I can't give him the best help. So I don't know how to react to that.

Yes, he does have some trouble with other perspectives.

Yes, it is useful. Thanks.

[shoo.livejournal.com]

hey Kev,
I would state to him/her what you just said to us...that you find it difficult to give advise if all the person does is not listen...Perhaps all they want to do is talk and not want advise?
I bet you are a fixer and want to help him/her, but sometimes people don't really want help...just talk...

dunno, just a guess..
Good luck.

[low-delta.livejournal.com]

It's more that I'm not sure I can be a good friend to someone who doesn't want to tell me the whole story. And do I want to?

[vlinker.livejournal.com]

some people just need to talk to get something off their chest.......and a friend can provide an ear for that.......sometimes the talk needs to go in one ear and out the other.......with no or little comment......

if your friend trusts you enough to open up and dump his thoughts and feelings, he values your friendship more than you realize

[low-delta.livejournal.com]

But so many of the things he complains about have simple explanations, and he seems to want them.

Re:

[vlinker.livejournal.com]

i dunno.......some folk need to figure stuff out on their own.......

[lonita.livejournal.com]

It's the fate of the self-indulgent, at times. Sometimes just being an ear is okay and laudable, but sometimes it gets so that you can't tell if you're being used or not - you can't tell if that person's talking to you because you're important, or because you're the ear that just happens to be there.

I've gotten to a point in my life where I - personally - can't deal with people who do nothing but whinge and won't listen to what I suggest.

I can empathise with how you feel, I wish I had some good advice to offer.

[low-delta.livejournal.com]

He talks to me because I am important. But I'm the only one, so he talks to me because he has no choice. >:-D

[banana.livejournal.com]

What shoo said - people don't always want help or advice.
But if you're sneaky, you can ask questions that lead them to forming the very solution you wanted to give them.

[low-delta.livejournal.com]

I give him all the solutions I can think of. He just won't give me the information I need to formulate the best ones.