today

I just got back from getting groceries.

Before that, I went down to see my friend Jeff's band, BattlestaR CadillacticA. Great show. I don't see Jeff play very often, and every time, he is so much better than the previous. It was a lot of fun. I hadn't smiled that much at a concert since Pink Floyd opened their show with "Astonomy Domine." And they were only on for an hour. That was too short, but at least I got home at a reasonable hour.

Before that, we had a hell of a storm. I didn't hear any thunder here, but the winds were horrible. My tenant came down to pay his rent, and he had both hands on my door, and almost lost hold of it. By the time I left for the show, it had subsided.

Before that, we had a very pretty sunset. It was especially nice, since all dayi it was very dreary. Rain, thunderstorms, fog, you name it - as long as it didn't involve anything resembling daylight. It was fairly warm. It was in the sixties for most of the day. It still is. I'd enjoy that more if my furnace weren't still running. I think my house soaked up the cold from the last few days. I can't open the windows, because then the sixty-four degree air will come in and trigger the furnace.

time

I had to tell Cyn I need more time to myself. I hope she understood. I really enjoy spending time with her - as much as possible, really, but I can't have a life of my own. There are so many things that I can no longer do. Like watch TV (not a huge loss), read a book, make a long thoughtful post on LJ, listen to music (*just* listen to music), write adventures fior my Shadowrun campaing, go out and take pictures, clean my basement, sit and stare, draw, talk to my friends. Some things I can do with her - or at least have her hang out with me while I do them - but I haven't figured out how yet. I really do enjoy being with her, but there is so much else I like doing. Even if she is the most important thing.

I don't know exactly how I am going to get time to myself. One more evening a week? I'm not sure how much time with her I want to give up.

crash

Pro-Engineer just crashed. I lost an hour's work. I am in a huge rush today.

HA!

This is the funniest thing I've seen in a while!

Thanks, J

Americans For Purity

crashed again

didn't lose as much work. I was more careful about saving. I'm still in a rush.

my dilemma

The thing that makes it so hard to spend less time with Cyn, is that I want to spend so much time with her. I am very happy with her. I want to sit and talk with her all night. Or play a game, or whatever else it is that we do together. I just don't want to give up everything else in my life. I never have been that great at organizing my time, but I never thought I would have absolutely no time for solo leisure activities.

It disappoints me to have to spend one evening less per week with Cyn.

Is life supposed to be hectic? That sure is normal, but my life isn't hectic. I don't have a very little time for things, I have none. How can you be in a rush, if you're not around to do so?

I expect to give up some of my hobbies. I know some of them had to go just because of this computer and web site, but even this hobby has suffered.

Just in case any of you were wondering, this is all about me. Cindy is in no way clingy or suffocating or demanding. I know she wants to see me, and that is certainly fair, because I want to see her.

I realized, early on, that things would be much easier if we lived together. Now, for us to spend time together, it is a half hour drive, and it becomes an entire evening. If we lived together, I could do something on my own for a while, and we would still have a few hours with each other. So knowing that, makes it a difficult wait. It will be a few years.