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A sales pitch for gin...
"Vodka’s greatest achievement is an etiology into the complete lack of veridical hornswoggling that takes place by liquor purveyors everywhere. Spelunking down the back bar will not help you – Absolut, Belvedere, Chopin, Grey Goose, Ketel One, Skyy, Smirnoff, Stoli, Three Olives – and even, if you do so please, DOT AU, Xan, Orloff, Viru Valge, Русский стандарт – are, in fact, all evanescent inventions, the more expensive, the more meretricious their pother becomes, concealing the fact that they are simply watered down ethanol. They should be bio-diesel for city buses but, in Orwellian twist, they are sucked down with such propensity that even Hades feels the flood. In ad campaigns reminiscent of Two Minute Hate they boast of how flavorless this ichor is – “double distilled, triple distilled, smooth” – and then chortle like an ambassador from The Great Gazoo while making 500,000% margin on a product that costs a buck fifty. Your hard won green-backs serve to gold plate some Tartar’s chamber pot and his houri’s pasties. And by the way, there is no such thing as a vodka martini, this is merely Olive Abuse, and I will report you for it. You wonder why there are so many flavored vodkas? Because vodka itself is flavorless. Open your palate, you are tasting water from the wash-back, and paying dearly for it. Buy yourself and Evian an skip the pate busting hangover."
"Vodka’s greatest achievement is an etiology into the complete lack of veridical hornswoggling that takes place by liquor purveyors everywhere. Spelunking down the back bar will not help you – Absolut, Belvedere, Chopin, Grey Goose, Ketel One, Skyy, Smirnoff, Stoli, Three Olives – and even, if you do so please, DOT AU, Xan, Orloff, Viru Valge, Русский стандарт – are, in fact, all evanescent inventions, the more expensive, the more meretricious their pother becomes, concealing the fact that they are simply watered down ethanol. They should be bio-diesel for city buses but, in Orwellian twist, they are sucked down with such propensity that even Hades feels the flood. In ad campaigns reminiscent of Two Minute Hate they boast of how flavorless this ichor is – “double distilled, triple distilled, smooth” – and then chortle like an ambassador from The Great Gazoo while making 500,000% margin on a product that costs a buck fifty. Your hard won green-backs serve to gold plate some Tartar’s chamber pot and his houri’s pasties. And by the way, there is no such thing as a vodka martini, this is merely Olive Abuse, and I will report you for it. You wonder why there are so many flavored vodkas? Because vodka itself is flavorless. Open your palate, you are tasting water from the wash-back, and paying dearly for it. Buy yourself and Evian an skip the pate busting hangover."
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Date: 2011-10-22 09:49 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2011-10-22 11:54 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2011-10-22 11:56 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2011-10-23 01:33 am (UTC)From:Previously, I had posted this from Ben's writings: "But first, for all my buncombe dithyrambs I must say: Senator Henry Clay, the supposed inventor of the Julep, was wrong. His elephantine loutish thrusting cannot put one over on me – a janissary of taste and character would never offer a lady a smash. Truculent “mulling” – I speak of Mint – is louche and should be cast off like a cross eyed south-Georgia tramp."
Buncombe dithyrambs?