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The Onion
July 26, 2007 | Issue 43•30
WASHINGTON, DC—The Environmental Protection Agency issued a bulletin Tuesday warning the bodies of American citizens, with their large concentrations of artificial, synthetic, and often toxic substances, have been reclassified as industrial waste.
"The average human body is now only 35 percent organic," EPA chief Ralph Johnson said. "Due to changes brought about by modern detergents, silicone implants, and processed cheese food product, it is no longer safe to allow human tissue to come into contact with our nation's topsoil."
Johnson said the EPA is seeking funding to construct a massive, federally managed human-body containment facility in the Mojave Desert to safely and viably store human remains.
July 26, 2007 | Issue 43•30
WASHINGTON, DC—The Environmental Protection Agency issued a bulletin Tuesday warning the bodies of American citizens, with their large concentrations of artificial, synthetic, and often toxic substances, have been reclassified as industrial waste.
"The average human body is now only 35 percent organic," EPA chief Ralph Johnson said. "Due to changes brought about by modern detergents, silicone implants, and processed cheese food product, it is no longer safe to allow human tissue to come into contact with our nation's topsoil."
Johnson said the EPA is seeking funding to construct a massive, federally managed human-body containment facility in the Mojave Desert to safely and viably store human remains.
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Date: 2007-07-27 12:56 am (UTC)From::) love the onion!!
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Date: 2007-07-27 12:58 am (UTC)From:And I love the bit about process cheese food!
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Date: 2007-07-27 01:03 am (UTC)From: (Anonymous)no subject
Date: 2007-07-27 01:11 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2007-07-27 01:35 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2007-07-27 07:36 am (UTC)From:I know it's the Onion but it just seems so close to true!