tradition and addiction

[low_delta]

I don't have many addictions. Or habits. Or rituals or traditions.

They bother me. I don't like being held prisoner by something that doesn't necessarily make sense. I don't smoke. There's no little thing I always have to do just because I always do it. I don't care for the idea of always sleeping on the same side of the bed. I lose a small bit of control of myself when I find myself relying on something being a certain way.

If I do something the same way every time, there should be a good reason for it. I always drive on the right side of the road, because to do otherwise is not worth the fines. I take that back - I don't always drive on the right side ofthe road. Um... I follow very closely a certain routine in the morning because that's what gets me out of the house the fastest. I sit in the same place at the table every night because Cyn always sits in the other place. I always undo my seatbelt before turning the car off, because then I won't have my keys in my hand when I'm trying to undo the buckle.

Wedding receptions? I hhate wedding receptions. Too many things you have to do just because everybody expects them. You have to toss the garter. And you have do the chicken dance. And Steve has to have the DJ play "Another One Bites the Dust." And you have to mash cake in each other's faces. And you have to kiss when everyone rings their glasses. Of course, many people will say that these things aren't done just as traditions. You do all that stuff because it's fun. Well... yes and no. They survived as traditions because a lot of people thought they were fun, but the reason we do them is because we have to. And if we don't, we are questioned.

Christmas is full of traditions and rituals. Not for me. Christmas is nice because there are decorations and we get together with the family, but for me there's no it just isn't Christmas without...

I'm not completely immune. I'm sure I have some habits that are for no good reason, and that I don't notice or have forgotten about. And I have had my own little traditions (I used to always play Crosby Still & Nash on shuffle. Why? Just because I always did), but I can't think of any current ones. I'm sure Cyn will remind me. And I am addicted to LiveJournal.

Comments

[serendipity.livejournal.com]

I'm very much like you as far as wedding receptions and holiday traditions. And, yes, if we don't engage in these tribal customs, er, social traditions, we are definitely questioned. For example, I enjoy being alone and eating simply on Thanksgiving, and that's just, well, um, freaky, I guess. People think it's sad that I'm alone (and not eating turkey, stuffing, or any of the rest of the traditional meal) on Thanksgiving, and don't believe that I can possibly be happy about that. The idea of not celebrating Thanksgiving is upsetting to people - actually, it's practically taboo.

I do think that family traditions can be important for kids - I know they were to me when I was growing up, but all the hoopla that adults continue to engage in even when there are no kids around just isn't my thing. And that goes for most of the group rituals during most holidays and rites of passage such as weddings. That stuff makes me nervous more than it gives me the warm feeling it's supposed to give me. (I do try to make Hanukah special for R, although if she wasn't around I'd mostly ignore it.)

Ah, well, in December I try to go about my usual business and not get in anyone's way of celebrating their traditions. I even partake in some of the partying myself - what a concept, eh?

[low-delta.livejournal.com]

I agree that people think it's strange not to celebrate Thanksgiving - I'd never even really thought about it - but who finds it upsetting?

[serendipity.livejournal.com]

I guess it depends on your definition of upsetting. After all, you aren't as easily upset as most people, so the word could have a stronger meaning for you...

Anyway, you may be surprised that some people who are firmly entrenched in the Thanksgiving tradition find it at least unsettling, maybe unnerving, that someone like me might actually be happy to be alone and to eat toast with peanut butter on Thanksgiving. They think something's seriously wrong about that, and feel sorry for me.
*shrug*

[cynnerth.livejournal.com]

I am SO grateful that you don't have any serious addictions that affect your health or state of mind.

We'd probably both sleep better if we each had an entire bed to ourself that we could sleep in as we wished...turning whichever way suited our bodies whenever, sleeping on whatever side was nice for whatever part of the night. But then I'd miss you occasionally.

[rivendweller.livejournal.com]

Interesting post, Kevin. I guess addictions and traditions are closely related. I had not thought of it that way.

I, too, sometimes rebel against society's expectations of what I "must do." It gets me into trouble once in a while. Usually my reluctance to comply is overcome by the notion that I might hurt someone's feelings. So I just emit a deep sigh and do what I must, with a smile.

I am addicted to lj, too.

:-)

[low-delta.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's tough when you might actually hurt someone's feelings. Usually, I just make them deal with it, since it's more a matter of them thinking you're not having as much fun as they are.

[tequilasunset.livejournal.com]

Kevin,

I really like the way in which you've written and expressed your thoughts and feelings on tradition and addiction.

And I find your post to be pleasantly unpretentious because you've refrained from using fancy words by simply writing about the subject matter.

This leaves me with the feeling that what I've read was well worth reading.

A very interesting post... thank you. :)

[low-delta.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

[banana.livejournal.com]

Try this: turn off the car engine, undo your seat belt, then take out the keys.

The wedding things are different here, to the extent that I don't know what you mean by some of them.

I think I broadly agree with your disquiet over doing the expected thing, but I can understand that repetition of the familiar is comforting.

[low-delta.livejournal.com]

But then I lose that fluid motion. :-)

Everybody has a certain degree of comfort in familiarity. I think I require less than a lot of people. Or maybe my required familiarity is more in location that actions. In other words, as long as I'm home, I'm comfotable - I don't need to be doing a certain thing. Or, as long as I'm at a wedding with friends or family, I don't need to be doing these strange things.

A wedding is often followed or accompanied by a wedding reception, at which an elaborate wedding cake is served. Western traditions include toasting the bride(s) and/or groom(s), the newlyweds having the First dance, and cutting the cake. If there is a bride, she throws her bouquet to the assembled group of all unmarried women in attendance, and the person who catches it is supposed to be the next to wed. A fairly recent equivalent has the groom throwing the bride's garter to the assembled unmarried men; the man who catches it is supposedly the next to wed. Now, at some receptions, the man who caught the garter has to place it on the leg of the woman who caught the bouquet. This sometimes causes those two people to start dating, and causing them to, indeed, be the next to wed.

At wedding receptions, Der Ententanz, a 1950s Swiss Oom-pah song known more commonly in America as The Chicken Dance (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chicken_Dance), has become a popular part of the reception dance music.