not satisfied

I'm not.

I don’t spend enough time discussing things I know next to nothing about.

I spend too much focusing on improving my play while playing games.

I spend too much time writing based on what I think rather than studying and learning and experiencing what others think.

I am not satisfied at all.

I am tired of thinking I understand things but never knowing.

I know a lot. Perhaps I know more than you do.

It's utterly inadequate.

I'm looking in the wrong direction. I need to look outward.

My life has become too small.

It's time to shred everything up and lie on the threads. Then, I'll arrange it into a new nest.

I'm opening my mind wider. I'm not going to stuff it with more stuff. I'm opening it wider. I'm opening it way the fuck wider. Unless....

An Eastender's look at risk

partial success Partial success is scary, for it means we're faced wiv a choice. Do we relax and celebrate, then, eh? Or do we fear that us true goals will never be reached, that we'll be distracted by partial gains and that us agenda will be discarded, that we'll be bought into givin' up the fight.

An effics of risk posits the bleedin' need ter accept that partial victories, as well as partial defeats, are necessary and natural. Keep yor mince pies on the bleedin' prize, but also acknowledge that the prize ain't a complete victory; ravver, right, the prize is a movement, right, a steady persistent movement, in the right direction, the bloomin' direction of greater cooperation and greater empaffy.

Too many blokes soundin' too sure of themselves. Too much unacknowledged fear. I need space. I need time and space ter ffink, to work, to study, right, to accumulate and ter interact.

This mood. This euphoria. These words eruptin' out of me fingertips, leavin' blood on the Henry Ford. I've been waitin' for this particular incarnation of euphoria for monffs, peraps for a year. It's been a long time comin'. Even this summer wen I were walkin' four miles a day, right, this feelin' didn't quite come, init?It weren't quite there. I 'ad demons I 'ad ter exorcise. I 'ad ter suppress some fings. I 'ad ter close some doors. I 'ad ter reboot before I could ever again fink of openin' doors again.