Alone

Recently, dadnerd and I began a dialogue about aloneness. Here’s where we’ve gone so far. Now I’m inviting all of you to join us. What do you think?


f
A few days ago you said to someone that if we can't be alone, there is a problem. Or something to that effect. Would you mind elaborating on what you meant, or why you said it?

d
The subject is so complex, and implies we understand the whole of our consciousness.
I don't know about you but I haven't had that big insight yet -)
Essentially, we set ourselves up for that feeling of being alone at a very deep level. By establishing and maintaining this separate self, we in fact isolate ourselves from others. Its the unfortunate side effect of Self. By defining ourselves as separate, we feel secure, that is, the brain has complete security.
Where real life is changing rapidly, from day to day, our so-called self is a constant. We therefore feel secure in chaos.

I've played with this idea and the brain will not let go of this sense of self. I tried getting to the core of it and there is nothing there. Its more like an activity of the brain. Incessant chatter all day long and at night during sleep, maintains this feeling that we are there. Try slowing down the process of thinking and see what happens, the little me shrinks right along with the chatter.

Now how to deal with this side effect of loneliness. Most occupy their time with distractions and interests. In a relationship it is most interesting. We are flattered, by someone attention. We no longer feel alone with that person. We haven't explored why we feel empty, and find ourselves in a relationship. Then all the trouble begins. The attachment, the jealousy, etc... Not to mention all the good times too, and the sharing and caring. Sex is here, along with children, possibly. But all along we still maintain our own identity and we are isolated. For many once the thrill of someone new dies down, they are back, discontent and feeling lonely.

f
I think what you're getting at in the first part is how we sabotage ourselves into being alone. You hint at a Zen-like need to be one with our mate, to remove ourselves, not only from the isolationism of self, but the conflict of jealousy.

What I've been more concerned with, is what makes us feel alone when we don't have anyone else to share our lives with. As you said, "We haven't explored why we feel empty."

Too many people are hung up on the standards of marriage, sex, buying a little house in the country, having kids, etc., when they don't understand why. I suppose that ignorance is bliss, if they are happy when they achieve these goals, but so many of these people tend to expect others to share these beliefs. From there, it is only a short guilt trip away to thinking that these standards really are standards, and any of them is fulfilling. Conversely, one should not turn away from these mythologized ideals simply because he doesn't want to buy into this false dream. These dreams are not necessarily false. They just don't apply everyone.

d
If you become aware of yourself and your thoughts, do you feel that you are ever present and always there? You, with your ideas thoughts opinions desires beliefs. Is there this feeling that you are always there? Thoughts change but you remain.

I would like to take this one step at a time If possible. I'm asking myself the same question, so both of us are traveling down the same road at the same time.

Do this tomorrow, throughout the day, if you remember it. See if you are there constantly, thinking to yourself etc..

This subject is so vital I think it deserves our attention.

f
How would I be able to tell?

d
Watch yourself. Its easy, and fun too. Just be aware of the activity of your mind. Is it chattering during the day or is there great amounts of quiet? And what is the nature of this thinking? My first question is, are we thinking all day long. The most logical question is, why do we do this? But first I want to know if you see yourself doing this. There may be a big clue here you see.


f
Okay.
Of course I'm always there. There is always some dialogue going on. Sometimes a conversation of sorts, sometimes an issuance of directions. I think it is always me who is forming these words. Even in full daydream mode, I don't believe I can get beyond the formation of words in my mind.

So I'm aware of my self. I am always in active control of my psyche.

Now, what are you getting at?

d
Yes good.
I wanted to move from fact to fact, if possible, and not indulge in speculation.
This whole process involves thinking, right? Thoughts born of memory. Now it gets a little tricky.
When you say "me", what or who is this "me"?

Is thought born of memory or, is thought memory?

You were thinking all day about this and so was I. Did you notice how hard it was to watch if for long?
Suddenly you become aware that you have been thinking. Could you follow it for a while? Could you watch yourself as if you had eyes in the back of your head looking through your head? Watch your thinking and talking to others, or did you get absorbed and lost in the thoughts? And only later noticed you were thinking?

Now my first question is, why do we do this (aside from the essential thoughts necessary for survival).

My question is why do we chatter like this. Does it make us feel like we are here? You know, alive.
You tell me. Do we feel alone if we don’t chatter to ourselves?