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Buick Regal Named Best Vehicle In Class For Idling Outside Off-Track Betting Parlor
ANN ARBOR, MI—Edging out the Chevy Malibu for the third year in a row, the Buick Regal topped Car And Driver’s annual list of best midsize sedans for idling outside an off-track betting parlor, sources confirmed Tuesday. “When you just need to pop your head inside the OTB to see how your ponies are running, the Buick Regal outperforms the competition across the board,” said Car And Driver editor Eddie Alterman, noting that the car’s heated seats were ideal for anyone who wanted to lay down a quick $50 trifecta before the window closed and then return to a cozy interior on the coldest of nights. “On the other hand, if your parlay’s going full tilt and you need to double down, the Regal’s great fuel efficiency lets you keep the car humming by the curb until you can find a way to get back in the green.” Alterman added that the Buick Regal had more than enough room to accommodate a driver’s girlfriend and up to three of her kids.
This article appeared recently in The Onion. I note it here because the car is very similar to one I used to own. The one pictured above is a 1979, but mine was a 1980. Differences noted below.
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ANN ARBOR, MI—Edging out the Chevy Malibu for the third year in a row, the Buick Regal topped Car And Driver’s annual list of best midsize sedans for idling outside an off-track betting parlor, sources confirmed Tuesday. “When you just need to pop your head inside the OTB to see how your ponies are running, the Buick Regal outperforms the competition across the board,” said Car And Driver editor Eddie Alterman, noting that the car’s heated seats were ideal for anyone who wanted to lay down a quick $50 trifecta before the window closed and then return to a cozy interior on the coldest of nights. “On the other hand, if your parlay’s going full tilt and you need to double down, the Regal’s great fuel efficiency lets you keep the car humming by the curb until you can find a way to get back in the green.” Alterman added that the Buick Regal had more than enough room to accommodate a driver’s girlfriend and up to three of her kids.
This article appeared recently in The Onion. I note it here because the car is very similar to one I used to own. The one pictured above is a 1979, but mine was a 1980. Differences noted below.
( See more )
